Released in 1987, the film of Robocop has stood the test of time, not only as an enjoyable, violent and action packed movie, but as a social commentary, with it's Tongue in cheek and dark humour, but the news broadcasts that were interpersed inbetween. It, of course, spawned an enjoyable second sequel, and a very shit third sequel that should not even have been a) made and b) aknowledged. So, the first game, then. Let's look at the first directive.
You start off on the streets of Old Detroit, cleaning up the scum who wield guns, chainsaws and even ride motorcycles. Some appear at the windows to shoot at you. But, you can shoot back (oh, yes!) but you have limited ammo, but more can be picked up along the way, even for a three-way gun as well, plus health comes in the form of baby food jars, but these are few and far between. And that's part of what makes the game hard. Another thing is that you don't get a respite at all, as you have a time limit of 2 minutes to complete the level. It is a challenge, though, and it has that one more go factor.
The whole game doesn't follow the walk, shoot theme, as you also have a shooting gallery game and a puzzle element, which is a staple of Ocean's games back in the day. And, it gave the game a bit of variety (the Amiga and ST games were two thirds walk and gun and one third puzzle), which I feel is sadly missing in this day and age. The music is another thing that's awesome. The theme might not be the actual Robocop theme, but it was influential enough to be used in the Ariston advert. The sound is great, with some excellent spot effects and, in the 128K version, some sampled speech. They really went to town on this, and I can't imagine it any other way. Ocean were the EA of their day, but what they did, they did with passion and heart, and not for the money. And this game had lots of passion, heart and soul put into it.
Friday, 6 August 2010
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
Ooo, eck! It's the Crap Game Corner: Terminator 2 (NES)
James Cameron created one of the most excellent sci-fi/action movies of 1984: The Terminator. Starring Arnie as the Terminator, he pursued Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) and her protector Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn) in an effort to change the future, by eliminating her so she cannot bear the saviour of mankind, John Connor.The movie was so excellent, he made another one: T2 Judgment Day in 1991. More of the same, it was a great, if not better, movie than it's predecessor. And, ultimately, games were made. Some were great (Game Boy T2, Amiga T2), and some were so awful, so flawed, so shockingly shit-tastic, that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth just thinking of them. Yes, I'm talking about the NES and Master System version of the same game, but more extensivly, we are going to poke fun and laugh at the NES incarnation.
Starting off outside the bar from the start of the movie, you control Arnie as the T-800, and have to make it inside the bar. Now, being a Terminator (supposedly a near indestructable cyborg, but we'll get back to that in a bit), you'd think that he could kill people with just a flick of his little finger, wouldn't you?
Well........No.
He's punch is as powerful as a strong coffee. He makes The weakest man in the world look like Geoff Capes. His power is so lacking, it's inexcusable. He's supposed to be made of metal, not tin foil! When you get shot at, your power goes down at an alarming rate. Skynet must have used Asda Smart Price Titanium (guarenteed to contain 1% Titanium & 99% Goose Fat), because as soon as you start, you're inundated with bad guys with said guns. So, chances are you won't even get into the bar. And, if by chance you CAN get into the bar, more awful combat shenanigans await you. Basically, more of the same: fight 6 at a time, get your energy sapped, lose life, start again. Well, at least the graphics are nice. The sound is ok at best, but the really awful controls add to the dismal gameplay and dodgy (more dodgy than Del-Boy) collision detection.
This has all the playability of.....well.....something that has no playablility (like Chameleon Twist 2.....but thats for another feature!).
Oh, the awfulness! Terminator? More like Terminated!!
Starting off outside the bar from the start of the movie, you control Arnie as the T-800, and have to make it inside the bar. Now, being a Terminator (supposedly a near indestructable cyborg, but we'll get back to that in a bit), you'd think that he could kill people with just a flick of his little finger, wouldn't you?
Well........No.
He's punch is as powerful as a strong coffee. He makes The weakest man in the world look like Geoff Capes. His power is so lacking, it's inexcusable. He's supposed to be made of metal, not tin foil! When you get shot at, your power goes down at an alarming rate. Skynet must have used Asda Smart Price Titanium (guarenteed to contain 1% Titanium & 99% Goose Fat), because as soon as you start, you're inundated with bad guys with said guns. So, chances are you won't even get into the bar. And, if by chance you CAN get into the bar, more awful combat shenanigans await you. Basically, more of the same: fight 6 at a time, get your energy sapped, lose life, start again. Well, at least the graphics are nice. The sound is ok at best, but the really awful controls add to the dismal gameplay and dodgy (more dodgy than Del-Boy) collision detection.
 |
| Well, at least it has a good intro. Shame the game is total bollocks. |
Oh, the awfulness! Terminator? More like Terminated!!
Thursday, 29 July 2010
Crap Game Corner: Captain Pytron (Speccy)
As I lay here, listening to Journey on the internet radio, I keep thinking of the late 80's. Arcade conversions were getting more ambitious on the old 8-bit micros. And it even reminded me of the cover tapes from CRASH, Your Sinclair and Sinclair User. Some would have great game demos, full games that were quite good....and games that weren't. Games that were so shit beyond belief, so diabolical, so monumentally.......crap, that it's an astonishment how they ever got made in the first place.
Take Craptain Pytron. I use Craptain because this game stinks more than month old rotting meat. Upon loading, you get a screen with our 'heros' name, with what looks like a bloke from those old cartoons, the 'Wot, no beef?' cartoons (you know, the bloke with the really long nose, that hangs over the brick wall. His nose, that is.) with a norse helmet on. So, upon pressing enter, you get control options:
KEYS
SINCLAIR
KEMPSTON
upon which, yours truly selected keyboard (I had no joystick handy). Now, expecting to be able
to redefine my keys, I waited, and then got thrust into the game. No explanation of how Pytron got there, why he's there (probably didn't pay his Pizza Hut bill, or something) and what to do. Greeeaaaaaaat *sigh*. BUT, not only that, but it doesn't give you a run down of the keys to use. Now,here's the fun part. You start in a cell. A LOCKED (I'll repeat that: LOCKED) cell, with 3 objects:
A SPRING
A ROCK
A JUG
After finding out (after being killed through not knowing what the controls are) how to pick up objects, I found out how to use them (it was found out by guess work, and I sill don't know how to use it). Now, thinking that the jug would hold a key, you use all objects until you find that the SPRING will open the door (???). Confused you will be. You also start off with no weapons, so the enemies you first encounter (big, green things that look like the creature thats with Olive Oyl when she's in the army) are able to sap your energy, and you can't fight back. Oh, and they're able to go through the LOCKED door from earlier.
Captain Pytron should be left in his cell to rot. The game is shit, the controls are shit. It looks ok, though. Only just, mind. But ok graphics do not a good game make, and you can't polish a turd, not even one with very obscure and stupid puzzles like this. And, no, I'm not even posting screenies of this game, because this thing offends me. Tis a game so crap, it's made me quite mad. Now, go away and play Monty Mole, and let's never speak of this rubbish again.
JetSetWilly: Playing crap games, so you don't have to ((C)marc. All rights reserved, copyright doesn't exist, so sod off!)
Take Craptain Pytron. I use Craptain because this game stinks more than month old rotting meat. Upon loading, you get a screen with our 'heros' name, with what looks like a bloke from those old cartoons, the 'Wot, no beef?' cartoons (you know, the bloke with the really long nose, that hangs over the brick wall. His nose, that is.) with a norse helmet on. So, upon pressing enter, you get control options:
KEYS
SINCLAIR
KEMPSTON
upon which, yours truly selected keyboard (I had no joystick handy). Now, expecting to be able
to redefine my keys, I waited, and then got thrust into the game. No explanation of how Pytron got there, why he's there (probably didn't pay his Pizza Hut bill, or something) and what to do. Greeeaaaaaaat *sigh*. BUT, not only that, but it doesn't give you a run down of the keys to use. Now,here's the fun part. You start in a cell. A LOCKED (I'll repeat that: LOCKED) cell, with 3 objects:
A SPRING
A ROCK
A JUG
After finding out (after being killed through not knowing what the controls are) how to pick up objects, I found out how to use them (it was found out by guess work, and I sill don't know how to use it). Now, thinking that the jug would hold a key, you use all objects until you find that the SPRING will open the door (???). Confused you will be. You also start off with no weapons, so the enemies you first encounter (big, green things that look like the creature thats with Olive Oyl when she's in the army) are able to sap your energy, and you can't fight back. Oh, and they're able to go through the LOCKED door from earlier.
Captain Pytron should be left in his cell to rot. The game is shit, the controls are shit. It looks ok, though. Only just, mind. But ok graphics do not a good game make, and you can't polish a turd, not even one with very obscure and stupid puzzles like this. And, no, I'm not even posting screenies of this game, because this thing offends me. Tis a game so crap, it's made me quite mad. Now, go away and play Monty Mole, and let's never speak of this rubbish again.
JetSetWilly: Playing crap games, so you don't have to ((C)marc. All rights reserved, copyright doesn't exist, so sod off!)
Sunday, 25 July 2010
Into the Unknown: Podder (Spectrum) - Central Solutions
The ZX Spectrum had millions of games (at least, it felt like it) released throughout it's lifetime. Many were generic clones of famous games, and there were some that took the idea, and put a spin on it. A bit like Podder. This is your normal clone of Sabre-Wulf (sort of), but with a difference. Instead of a bloke with a sword, you control a car (that looks like a tank) which can fire at enemies and you pick up gasoline. And, instead of looking for an amulet, you're looking for 107 vehicle parts. So far, so good. It brought something new to the maze game table. It's a shame that it plays so woefully, and looks as ugly as shit.
You have the normal controls, which I won't bore you with by repeating, And you also have a fire function, which is about as much use as a one legged elephant. The car moves very slowly and is animated terribly. Plus, you just get the felling you've seen it all before (again in Sabre-Wulf....but much better and much more addictive!). It looks really awful and very simplistic, especially for 1986, when games like Mikie and Hyper Sports were released. I mean, everything looks so.........square. Even the rivers are square. And whats more, your 'car' looks more like a small tank.
The game is very limited, to be honest, and there was no replay value back then, and there isn't now. The only Central Solution should have been to NOT make the game at all. As much fun as eating broken glass and drinking vinegar.
Saturday, 24 July 2010
Near Miss: 10 of the best Greatest Hits albums.
Normally, after a group/band/singer has done about 6 albums, they'll release a BEST OF/Greatest Hits compilation. I personally love these albums. They allow someone (like myself) the chance to get into a band by listening to the best hits and then deciding if I want to splash out on the other albums. Take Thin Lizzy. I only ever heard a couple of their songs (Whiskey in the Jar, Jail Break), I had a listen, and I like a lot more of their stuff, so GH albums are a must. Here's the 10 (was originally 5, but there are so many good ones, it would be a crime to miss any out!!) I think are worth a listen to.
10: Journey - Greatest Hits.
With tracks like Seperate Ways (Worlds Apart), Open Arms and the classic Don't Stop Believing, this should be in every rock fans collection. A heady mix of feel good, rock out songs that you can't help but want to sing along to (especially Be Good To Yourself, which is the last song, and definitely one of the best I've heard).
9: Level 42 - The Definitive
There is a two disc version, but the one disc version contains the best tracks (save for Love Games, which is ok at best). From Running in the Family and Starchild to Micro Kid and Hot Water, nearly every track is a winner (apart from the track mentioned), and it shows why Level 42 were one of Britain's biggest bands in the 1980's.
8: Rainbow - Best Of
Another entry for Rainbow on one of my lists, the whole cd is just great. Including the songs Kill the King, A Light in the Black, Man on the Silver Mountain and the most famous track Since You've Been Gone
7: Led Zepplin - Mothership
Who hasn't heard of Led Zepplin? The track Whole Lotta Love was used for Top of the Pops, for chuffs sake! All the tracks, including Immigrant Song and Communication Breakdown, that are spread over the two discs are pure 70's rock, and that at it's heart is what counts. And even the front cover is brilliant!!
6: Elvis - HITStory
I might be cheating with this as it's three best of's in one, but the whole package comes as one, so it still counts. Containing the originally released 30 #1's and 2nd to None, and the unreleased The Story Continues, all three discs contain something that will please everyones ears. Cd 3 contains some tracks from the movies, like Kissin' Cousins, and GI Blues.
5: Prince - Ultimate
Many great tracks from the start of his career, through Purple Rain and Batman, to Diamond & Pearls and New Power Generation, with the songs Purple Rain, Little Red Corvette and Kiss, this is another Best Of that get's a thumbs up from me for getting me into just one of the greatest male solo artists of our time.
4: Blondie - Greatest Hits
Denis, Heart Of Glass, Rip Her To Shreds, Rapture, the list is (not really) endless, with track after track of classic music. Another recommendation and, again, another best of that got me into Blondie.
3: Phil Collins - Hits
I've always liked ol' Phil. And who wouldn't, with songs like Another Day in Paradise, Two Hearts (very 60's-ish), Sussudio and I Wish It Would Rain Down. The front cover is of worthy mention, as it's all his solo album front covers drawn and painted by hand, and looks quite good.
2: Alice Cooper - Best Of
As I've mentioned before, I love my rock music, and no collection is complete without at least one Alice Cooper album. This greatest hits album might not be the strongest (it's version of Billion Dollar Babies is a live track), but it does have the 1988 hit Poison and Feed My Frankenstein, that featured in Wayne's World.
Party on, Garth!
1: Shakin' Stevens - Epic Singles Chronology
2 discs, every one of his 80's songs and all his christmas singles. Maybe, the most complete collection of Shaky's singles ever. Including I Might (which had all the VIZ! characters on the front!), A Little Boogie Woogie and This Ol' House (which is a different version to the originally released version). This always takes me back to my childhood, and you've always got to have a guilty pleasure, and this is it.
Other notible mentions are:
The Very Best of KISS, O Yeah! Aerosmith Hits (also released as Aerosmith Anthology) & Poison Greatest Hits 86-96.
But I thought I'd go for a top ten that doesn't include ALL of the usual suspects, but mixes a lot of styles together.
Enjoy!
10: Journey - Greatest Hits.
With tracks like Seperate Ways (Worlds Apart), Open Arms and the classic Don't Stop Believing, this should be in every rock fans collection. A heady mix of feel good, rock out songs that you can't help but want to sing along to (especially Be Good To Yourself, which is the last song, and definitely one of the best I've heard).
9: Level 42 - The Definitive
There is a two disc version, but the one disc version contains the best tracks (save for Love Games, which is ok at best). From Running in the Family and Starchild to Micro Kid and Hot Water, nearly every track is a winner (apart from the track mentioned), and it shows why Level 42 were one of Britain's biggest bands in the 1980's.
8: Rainbow - Best Of
Another entry for Rainbow on one of my lists, the whole cd is just great. Including the songs Kill the King, A Light in the Black, Man on the Silver Mountain and the most famous track Since You've Been Gone
7: Led Zepplin - Mothership
Who hasn't heard of Led Zepplin? The track Whole Lotta Love was used for Top of the Pops, for chuffs sake! All the tracks, including Immigrant Song and Communication Breakdown, that are spread over the two discs are pure 70's rock, and that at it's heart is what counts. And even the front cover is brilliant!!
6: Elvis - HITStory
I might be cheating with this as it's three best of's in one, but the whole package comes as one, so it still counts. Containing the originally released 30 #1's and 2nd to None, and the unreleased The Story Continues, all three discs contain something that will please everyones ears. Cd 3 contains some tracks from the movies, like Kissin' Cousins, and GI Blues.
5: Prince - Ultimate
Many great tracks from the start of his career, through Purple Rain and Batman, to Diamond & Pearls and New Power Generation, with the songs Purple Rain, Little Red Corvette and Kiss, this is another Best Of that get's a thumbs up from me for getting me into just one of the greatest male solo artists of our time.
4: Blondie - Greatest Hits
Denis, Heart Of Glass, Rip Her To Shreds, Rapture, the list is (not really) endless, with track after track of classic music. Another recommendation and, again, another best of that got me into Blondie.
3: Phil Collins - Hits
I've always liked ol' Phil. And who wouldn't, with songs like Another Day in Paradise, Two Hearts (very 60's-ish), Sussudio and I Wish It Would Rain Down. The front cover is of worthy mention, as it's all his solo album front covers drawn and painted by hand, and looks quite good.
2: Alice Cooper - Best Of
As I've mentioned before, I love my rock music, and no collection is complete without at least one Alice Cooper album. This greatest hits album might not be the strongest (it's version of Billion Dollar Babies is a live track), but it does have the 1988 hit Poison and Feed My Frankenstein, that featured in Wayne's World.
Party on, Garth!
1: Shakin' Stevens - Epic Singles Chronology
2 discs, every one of his 80's songs and all his christmas singles. Maybe, the most complete collection of Shaky's singles ever. Including I Might (which had all the VIZ! characters on the front!), A Little Boogie Woogie and This Ol' House (which is a different version to the originally released version). This always takes me back to my childhood, and you've always got to have a guilty pleasure, and this is it.
Other notible mentions are:
The Very Best of KISS, O Yeah! Aerosmith Hits (also released as Aerosmith Anthology) & Poison Greatest Hits 86-96.
But I thought I'd go for a top ten that doesn't include ALL of the usual suspects, but mixes a lot of styles together.
Enjoy!
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